Slow Party Platform

button of slow party
The Economy:
 The Slow Party is committed to rapid growth of slow jobs. Wherever impatience lurks, it will be overcome by slow-thinking economists.  LPs (laconic politicians) are committed to opening their mouths only to deliver reasoned and wise utterances. Slow industries will benefit. Significant tax breaks will be available for businesses who take time to consider what’s important and what’s not.

Education: The slow party is committed to early childhood development. Studies have shown pre-school has failed miserably. Consequently a vast proportion of adults are play-illiterate. Only twenty percent of the population can make things up on the spur of the moment. They have lost imagination, playfulness, and natural wonder. First grade will now start at age four and proceed slowly for the following ten years. Its aim is to foster patience, cooperation, critical thinking, and creativity. At age fourteen teenagers will have mastered the art of afternoon napping and be fully refreshed for new and unforeseen demands to be made upon them.

Crime: The SP is tough on crime. Speeding, impulsiveness, and poor punctuation will not be tolerated. The Slow Police will be supplied with comfy furniture, bicycles, and other hi-tech equipment to make their lives relaxed and as comfortable possible. A relaxed policed officer is a dutiful and friendly one.

International Relations: The SP is the party of negotiation, reasonableness, and diplomacy. Our ambassadors will be well-versed in foreign culture, languages, and dance routines. Peace will be brought about by spreading our culture of comfort, kindness, and clarity of mind.

Defense: As it says in the Way of Slow, the slow shall prevail over the fast. Our posture toward threat shall be firm. Our military will have understood the lessons of slow history. They shall foresee likely events unfolding. They shall be slow to anger but quick to act.

Vote Slow!