To Whom It May Concern:
Your address was forwarded to us by Why Bother Magazine. The staff here salute you. The International Institute of Not Doing Much is the best organization in the world. You people know how to avoid unnecessary activity! We loved your previous article: One Hundred and One Ways to Say No.
We followed your article’s Slow Office recommendations to the letter. First, we replaced all our communication devices with carrier pigeons. Simply removing alerts, beeps and bells, and replacing them with the pleasant cooing of bird life is having a remarkable effect on everyone. But it’s not just a more relaxed workplace, we have to think of the bottom line. Office phone service is more expensive than the birds. As a side benefit, our carrier pigeons fertilize the lawn beyond the new employee sauna.
Next, we sold the computers off to Stab, Grab, Grit, and Nasty, a firm of lawyers downstairs. Our electricity bill went way down. Big savings! The boss is impressed.
We have completely embraced paper technology. Now that we all use pencils, doodling is on the increase, and the quality of the pencilwomanship is impressive─ as you can tell from this letter. Please send it back to us. We’ll erase the message and reuse the paper. Just tie it to Maggie’s leg. She’ll know where to take it.
It’s quiet here. You can notice the difference. All we hear is the scratching of pencil on paper; the sound of pigeons, and the whoosh of inter-office correspondence by paper airplane.
I’ve always wanted to work for an insurance company ever since I was a little girl. Now it’s perfect.
Spokeswoman and Company Hair Stylist
Activity Insurance: Insure against overdoing it
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