If you’re going to wait around, you might as well be comfortable.

—Zen and the Art of Hammockery

Homo erectus wandered around for about a million years before deciding to evolve into something resembling you and me. About half a million years ago, humans took two divergent evolutionary paths: Busy Man, Homo occupatus, and Relaxed Man Homo relaxatis.

During the Stone Age, Busy Man (h. occupatus ) invented war, grunting, and the wheel.

Typical of his tribe Oog was one of those cave dwellers who just couldn’t hang loose. He wasn’t one for lying about in his fur-lined cave enjoying the latest discovery—fire. It was all the rage in the more fashionable districts. But Oog had no time to stare into the nighttime embers. He refused to sit outside of an evening pondering the heavens with Mrs. Oog.

Oog’s invention, his so-called wheel, was a success. As orders came in, he multitasked in rain, fog, sunlight, starlight and under the moon. Oog never rested. The marketing literature said his wheel had so-called “possibilities”. This left many people scratching their heads as to what a possibility was. Nevertheless, as timeless wisdom continually proves, ignorance is no barrier to action. Early Stone-Age adopters wanted a wheel, or maybe even two. They lined up outside Oog’s place waiting for his next release.

With the business proceeds Mrs. Oog redecorated the cave. But Oog’s success only led to more and more activity. Oog himself was rarely home. And when he was at home, he was tense. The only subject of conversation was his wheel.

She wanted to go out together and do some star gazing, but he said he didn’t have the time. The old magic between them was fading. Oog built a work cave.

Oog sold his wheels to the Cave Painters Association, Club Whittlers, and the Flint Group. He spearheaded Stone Age commerce, and invented what eventually became to be known as the business round table. With the launch of FlintBrand his future looked bright, until his life was cut short in a rolling accident.

History has much to say about the technological development of the wheel. But it has little to say about a far more important invention to the wellbeing of humanity: the hammock.

***

Homo occupatus was eager to climb down from the trees and explore what lay beyond the primeval forest.

Relaxed Man (h.relaxatis) wasn’t one for unnecessary activity. His tribes decided that it was quite nice up there in the trees; especially now the noisy neighbors had left. The leaves were comfy and food wasn’t bad at all. Yet, Relaxed Man eventually explored the primeval forest floor—more by accident than design.

The Fall of Man or what some people call the Great Slippage led to discovery.

When Relaxed Man managed to pick himself up from a long fall to the forest floor, he found abandoned caves, fit for purpose. Busy Man had up and left for seemingly greater things. Constant activity and dissatisfaction were pillars of Busy Man’s new religion: Status.

But for Relaxed Man the Great Departure was providential.

Legend speaks of two trees in the great primordial forest that fell in love. They stretched out their branches to one another across a clearing. Their embrace formed the first leafy hammock.

Relaxed Man Frund discovered the hammock. He stumbled over a root and landed in it. The gently rocking motion pleased him. He stayed in that hammock for a long time. Eventually his sister Fimpa came to find him. Her day had not been good. The legend tells of the great grump that was upon her. Eventually Frund got out and persuaded her to try it.

The experience later became known as hammockery. The moment Fimpa got into that primordial hammock, wave after wave of pleasure flowed through her body and mind. She felt at one with creation. She saw into the nature of Being. A great heart was opening.

And that’s when she had her idea.

Her great awaking revealed to her how to make a hammock. Each day after she got out of the Great Hammock, she went home and worked on her prototype. People were resistant at first. But Fimpa never gave in. Brute force was her preferred method of persuasion. It worked well. A quick shove into the hammock was all that was needed. Once the rocking motion started, the sigh would come, the smile would appear. Relaxed Man had discovered the pleasure of hammockery.

***

Note: Idling level two practical hammockery classes are held every Friday at 2 p.m. on the second floor. Please wear casual clothing.