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Dear Member:
The Institute has decided to do something about the many letters it receives describing the most appalling conditions beyond the walls of Crumpetworthy Park. As you know, time poverty is of epidemic proportions. Stress is rampant, and then there is a wide-spread pathological obsession with getting things done. Just the other day, a young woman suffering from compulsive list-making disorder (CLMD) was brought in by her relatives for treatment by Dr. Emile Lenteur. You’ll remember his ground-breaking discovery of relaxons, those beneficial particles given off by slow people that make others around them feel a terrific sense of wellbeing and the impulse for a cup of tea and a sit-down.
It may sound incredible to you, but there are people who have never had a relaxing massage. There are those for whom the joy of sinking into a warm bathtub is but a distant memory. Clearly this is where education has failed. It’s true that some schools in France teach young children to appreciate slow eating. Instead of gulping down food as fuel, they take their time to savor texture and taste. Sadly, the normal French three-hour business lunch has been ignored by an increasingly frenetic Anglo-Saxon world. Education is to blame.
The Institute commissioned a study and its findings clearly pointed to the benefits of the afternoon nap as practiced in pre-school. However, this custom is abandoned as children grow, and consequently by the time they enter the workforce they are unreasonably expected to stay awake the whole day. One simple change (an hour nap after a languid lunch) would relieve much stress and promote a kinder and gentler environment.
But perhaps most worrying is the all-too-common notion that doing nothing, or very little, is somehow a bad thing. This opinion is usually held by people who have never tried doing very little. You, dear member, will appreciate that the ability to do nothing only comes after a lifetime of practice. Few achieve these lofty heights.
Nevertheless, there are dangerous forces at work. They must be recognized and dealt with. Even that most civilized of pastimes, golf, is coming under pressure. The late IINDM member, Major-General Vivian McFumble, died of apoplexy on learning of the infernal invention of the motorized golf-cart. We members are a sensitive group and don’t take shock well. There is heretical talk among golfers of an urgent need to play faster. This is against all gentlemanly (and ladylike) behavior. If you happen to play golf or know someone who does, please don’t talk about this topic should you visit us anytime soon. Golf is a slow occupation. I know. Marjorie Braithwaite and Amanda Lovely-Wellington have spent the last four hours in the rough on the first hole. I watched them tee-off this morning from the library window as I sat down to pen this letter to you. But I digress.
Education is the key to slowing down. For many adult non-members it is too late. The default approach to life for them is to rush. This terrible state of affairs can be moderated in some cases, but education must start early. However, you already have the predisposition to slow down successfully. The Institute will be offering on-going classes this year. The first class will be Maintaining Your Calm for Beginners. You’ll learn how to protect yourself when confronted by a rushaholic caught in the grip of stress and urgency. The work is based on learning how to turn off mirror neurons in the brain and to divert your attention to things of a more immediate nature such as how your socks feel on your feet or remembering exactly how you brushed your teeth that morning. Once this skill is mastered members will have the opportunity to move on to Preliminary Pondering. Toward the end of the year we shall start our Sybaritic Sessions with How to Appreciate Reflexology and Hot Tubbing Etiquette.
All of us here wish you a happy new year and suggest you try to live with enjoyment and minimal effort. Make sure you don’t overdo it, because more than enough is too much. We support your quest toward inaction in the continued hope of achieving not much.
Yours in slowness,
Thomas
Thomas Resterby, OS (Order of Slow)
Secretary to Sir Henry
International Institute of Not Doing Much
The Hall
Crumpetworthy Park
Little Upford
Rompshire
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